Many make New Years Resolutions. Studies report only 12% of resolutions are accomplished. But one insight, when applied, accounts for almost all of the 88% of unrealized resolutions.
I was very fortunate to have childhood teachers and doctors claim I was genetically flawed. For many years, I sought to become what the labels were not: don’t be learning disabled, don’t be obese, don’t be joint diseased, don’t be impoverished. I could never negate those labels, because I had accepted them as defining me. How can you negate what you’re not?
You have to become what you are, instead of trying to not be what you aren’t. Focusing on the negative incurs three times the amount of energy, explains researching psychologist Dr. Barbara Fredrickson in her book Positivity. Focusing on the positive would require 1/3 the energy to realize my goals.
My head full of negativity had no space for positivity, and consumed three times the energy. So, instead of continuing to not be what I wasn’t, I focused on becoming what I was. How were my obstacles actually opportunities? How could I mentally reframe my circumstances to focus on the presence of positives rather than upon the absence of negatives.
I did not become what my labels said I was absent; instead, I adopted new, positive affirmations of what I was abundant.
Consciously focus, mindfully attend, and purposefully identify a positive affirmation in each resolute goal. Dwell on the positive factors of your life, and in 1/3 the time and effort, you will surpass your tipping point to achieve a new goal, and your intentions begin snowballing down the hill of their own accelerating inertia.
When you set your resolution, or if you have already, set it upon the affirmative rather than the negative. If you’re told, “Don’t think of a spotted elephant,” you do. Set a negative goal like, “Don’t be…” and you make your goal three times more difficult to achieve, decrease your self-gratification, lower quality of life, and increase the likelihood of backslide, for if you are trying to not be a label, you often eventually “fall off the wagon” because you have only defined yourself by the label.
When you begin to think negatively, stop thinking negatively and think awesomely instead.
When everyone around you and everything inside you RESISTS that positivity, remember that it’s a sign you are succeeding. That membrane of resistance represents the labels you have redefined and into which you are transforming. Be patient and persistent. Allow everyone the opportunity to be positive of your new definitions (or insulate them from impacting your growth until you feel strong enough to help them as well; though even those healthy boundaries will help them redefine themselves as well.)
Don’t define yourself by not a negative. Define yourself by a positive. Don’t be negative that you will not fail. Be positive that you will succeed.
Very Respectfully,
Scott B. Sonnon